Cayden - April 19th, 1989
April 19th 1989
Dear Cerridwen,
Dear Maeve,
“I bet you thought you wouldn’t here from me again, huh? I told you I am a man of my word. Contrary to what you think, you are someone that is easy to remember, Agatha.
I’m not going to ask the usual small talk types of questions like how are you, what have you been up to, etc. As I said before, I want you to know automatically that you can tell me about anything at any time. You never have to wait for me to ask an empty question. No matter where you are or what you’re doing, I want to know what life is like out there - away from crowds, managers, and tour buses. I always want to hear about you.
I really miss our night on the boardwalk, and I know the guys miss it too. We don’t get too many opportunities to be..well, normal I guess. Of course, we’re just normal dudes; don’t get me wrong. But when you’re on the road, not only playing music but building a brand, opportunities to chill out in public are as hard to find as Jimmy Hoffa. Thank God the boardwalk wasn’t that crowded, kind of dead actually. It was as if we had a big piece of the world all to ourselves…”
So that didn’t sound too mushy did it? I guess I have to be careful with the amount of flattery I put in my letters to her.
She’s not supposed to be mine.
I feel like she’s the type of girl who shouldn’t be anybody’s, to be honest. Her spirit doesn’t seem to jive with staying in one place or being stuck with one group of people. But at the same time, wouldn’t that make her the perfect Sleepless Knight? Not to mention a prototypical member of Fianna? I don’t think I’ve ever laid out the guidelines for being a true Fian to you, as I have in other journals, so
In a nutshell…
You have to move. Don’t get fixated on one spot. Be ready to be on the road, in the air, or on foot at any given moment. Don’t get too attached to places. The more nomadic we are, the more lives we can save.
Don’t get “cocky”. The best advice Han Solo gave to Luke Skywalker. There is not one brigade that’s better or more privileged than the other. Though I have to say the Knights are pretty badass. We show up out of thin air, clean house, put whatever we can back in order, then vanish without a trace. Which brings me to my next point…
Never assume mortals, especially those in law enforcement, will ever accept you for who you are and what you can do. This world is not ready to learn that there are other worlds at play here. It likely never will be.
There is good and evil in us all. It’s just the balance is often thrown off (namely the Moridhans - who wouldn’t know fairness and mercy if it sat on their faces). Fianna is expected to be completely impartial. But that’s when our human side kicks us in the ass sometimes. It’s often a lot easier to find the dark side in people, mortal or not.
Don’t fall for a mortal. I think I am going to pass on this one for now.
Don’t forget to be entirely human every once in a while. Eat, drink, play, and enjoy the little things that are constantly taken for granted by non-Fianna. Sadly, we all forget that these small pieces of joy won’t be around forever.
Last, but certainly not least, don’t kill anyone, no matter how much they may deserve it. Fianna has just as much a brutal, savage history as it does a glorious one. We’re in a very different century in a very advanced world that’s only going to keep growing in adversity as well as achievement. A bunch of demi-gods racking up body counts will do nothing to ease the pain and anguish that comes with living in a mortal world, The Wandering, or any other realm.
I’m glad I wrote this because there is a lot I need to be reminded of. I wasn’t born to be a Daniel LaRusso or John Cusack in Better Off Dead. This is a fraction of my brother's movie collection, by the way.
But damn it, what I still wouldn’t give to just be a normal, young, everyday son of a bitch. There is a reason, a good reason, I haven’t had a normal life full of your typical failures and victories. Oh, I have failed alright, and it haunts me to this day. I’m not going to get into details because a.) there is plenty of time for that, and b.) it will keep me from moving forward. But let’s just say I am no hero. I allowed a death I could have easily stopped from happening. Not out of malice, of course, but out of a selfish denial of who I am and what I’ll always be expected to be. I’m going to leave it at that for now.
Till next time, C
Cayden
Was my favorite drawing - Rhiannon, goddess of forgiveness, rebirth
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